WANTED: A man has been stealing the wheels of police cars.
Police are working tirelessly to catch him!
A hole has been reported in the fence surrounding a nudist colony.
The Police are looking into it.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
I recently took a pole and found out that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed!!
The definition of a mistress : something between a mister and a mattress.
:LOL: Good one Snowy!! :thumbsup:
Llamas at home :D
I liked this one. Larson is so funny.
:LOL: Good one for sure!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Lyex2tSUyA
:D
Schrodinger took his cat to the Vet...
After the examination, the Doctor came out and said, "I've got some good news and bad news..."
I hate my job but it pays for my alcohol
and I need alcohol because I hate my job!
:scratch-head: :LOL:
Good one, I like the cat one a lot ;D
Just now - look what a search for "Window Cleaner" turns up at Morrisons (supermarket) - so you CAN smell good AND have clean windows.
:LOL: that's a good one Freddy :thumbsup:
Maybe they are saying their glass cleaner needs so much elbow grease that you're going to stink afterwards ;D
I went for the cheap option and risked smelling bad ;D
Quote from: Freddy on December 01, 2021, 21:09:59 PM
I went for the cheap option and risked smelling bad ;D
I would have made the same choice :D
Just came across this ;D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3A1WFqnvi4k
Funnily enough I saw this a few days ago - he's great :LOL:
I'm a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore I'm perfect. ;D
:LOL:
What do you do if you see a spaceman?
[spoiler]Park in it, man[/spoiler]
:P
Hyphenated
Non-hyphenated
Oh, the irony!
:LOL:
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
:o ;D
Not really humour, but pleasing :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3rDXccdwEA
;D
The hat was silly without the bow tie but now it's spot on :thumbsup:
:LOL:
:LOL:
Here is today's "Ponderisms"...
Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke. Go ahead and try it.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in," but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, it annoys him, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
How did the man who made the first clock, know what time it was?
Very good Art, raised a smile ;D
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
:D
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it. ;D
These are good ;D
Here are a few to digest...if you can stomach them...;)
What if my dog only brings back my ball because he thinks I like throwing it?
If poison expires, is it more poisonous, less poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
Which letter is silent in the word "scent," the S or the C?
Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you, and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work. :LOL:
OMG! I just found out that Einstein was a real person!
All this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
:LOL:
Suffering from an illness?
No problem - science says alcohol is a solution ;D
I've known some people who thought it was the solution (for their problems) too!!
good one!!
It's a five-minute walk from my house to the pub
It's a 35-minute walk from the pub to my house
The difference is staggering!
:LOL:
CAUTION:
Don't let them take your temperature on your forehead as you enter the supermarket because it erases your memory!!
I went for macaroni and cheese and came home with two cases of beer!!
Think about it...
People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full
are missing the point. The glass is refillable.
Good ones Art :LOL: :thumbsup:
Quote from: Art on March 27, 2022, 04:36:15 AM
Think about it...
People who wonder whether the glass is half empty or half full
are missing the point. The glass is refillable.
Or maybe their glass is too large to start with ;D
Some good ones there ;D
Lance is a very uncommon name nowadays
but in Medieval times people were called Lance a lot.
:LOL:
:LOL:
;D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3015;image)
:LOL:
No matter...
Hehe...good one, Freddy!!
:D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3017;image)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLex9xvQycQ
:LOL: quality!
;D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3021;image)
;D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3023;image)
As was I...
1981.. I probably did not know what a modem was back then ;D
;D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3027;image)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mi5kXcc-TJ8
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3035;image)
:D
If keeping it be sure to label it using tape.
Carl2
;D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3037;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3041;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3043;image)
:D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3049;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3051;image)
Some surprising number of views on these. :o
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3065;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3067;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3069;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3071;image)
Good ones Freddy :thumbsup:
Thanks Art. :)
This I found amusing. I used to work in a pet shop as my first job and the owner had a parrot that would swear out loud when people were in the shop :LOL:
These are better behaved.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxGyL6RUqpA
This is very amusing I thought.
There're several here: https://www.boredpanda.com/worst-domain-names/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic (https://www.boredpanda.com/worst-domain-names/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic)
I'll just add a few to give a glimpse.
I was led to this from the UK show QI - they call it word blindness apparently.
Expertsexchange.com
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3097;image)
Masterbaitonline.com
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3099;image)
Therapist.com
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3101;image)
Freddy you have posted some crackers in here 8)
The last one I didn't get at first, took a little while for the penny to drop :LOL:
Those were really good ones and should be a lesson that punctuation is just as important as spelling!
Spaces do matter! ;D
For some of them, I am surprised they still go with them - they could perhaps put a hyphen or two in. But maybe it's good for traffic.
I liked this Rambo sketch on a bank note.
Somewhat relatedly, I watched Rocky Balboa (2006) a couple of weeks back and enjoyed it. There's no need for me to summarise the plot as it's just the same one they used a half dozen times already. But something is satisfying and optimistic about these movies that I like.
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3107;image)
Very nicely done!!
Not all were Presidents...
Ben Franklin, the inventor, statesman, womanizer, philanderer, and frequent flyer to most taverns in Europe...Aside from those minor character flaws, he was a right jolly old chap!!
Interesting man :thumbsup:
Today's offering... :D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3109;image)
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.
Only a fraction of people will find this funny. :LOL:
I visited a monastery and as I walked past the kitchen I saw a man frying chips.
I asked him, "Are you the friar?"
He replied, "No, I'm the chip monk..."
:LOL:
Here's another bank note one.
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3111;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3113;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3119;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3121;image)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3127;image)
:LOL: Good one!!
When you're dead, you don't know you're dead.
The pain is only felt by others.
The same thing happens when you're stupid.
If you're paying $3.00 for a bottle of Smart Water, it isn't working!!
You never appreciate what you have till it's gone.
Toilet paper is a good example. :LOL:
While going for a morning walk the other day I came across this somewhat eye-catching OXYMORON!!
I had to take a photo of it to show and many of my friends and family couldn't believe it as they laughed out loud!
This has to be one of the best I've found, even better than Jumbo Shrimp or Working Vacation...
I give you...
Very good Art ;D
Here's one that has always made me wonder what they are thinking.
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3161;image)
Haha! They're all around us in plain sight! Good one!
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3163;image)
Lost my job at the Bank, the very first day!
Lady asked me to check her balance...
So I pushed her over!! :o
Nice one Freddy!! :LOL:
Today's offering.
Data could power his house this way too. :)
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3165;image)
:LOL:
Yeah I like that idea Freddy ;D
;D
(https://www.datahopa.co.uk/forum/general-discussion/your-daily-dose-of-humour-(or-humor)-or-hugh-more/?action=dlattach;attach=3167;image)
:sign-rockon:
:rofl:
It really does bring Rod to mind doesn't it.
;D
:D
;D
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:LOL: Good one Freddy!! Funny stuff right there for sure!
First one to laugh or crack a smile loses! :D
==========================================
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 'O' Seven
---
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder.
"That's my step ladder", he said..."I never met my real ladder."
---
I was playing chess with my friend and he said, "Let's make this interesting."
So we stopped playing chess.
---
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.
Very good Art, I had not heard any of those before :LOL:
I went shopping yesterday - the cost of living crisis is starting to take effect in unanticipated ways. Had to take a pic.
reduced_20220910_145423.jpg
:LOL:
:D
305935253_3233846943531493_5688193890715449972_n.jpg
cute!
How about showing the Queen of Hearts from AIWL and the caption reading, "Off with his head!"?
Good stuff!!
;D
305956864_4860211257412100_2904374554781257320_n.jpg
;D
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The cartoon was spot-on!!
All one needed was a large supply of cardboard, glue, and silver paint! ;D
We can politely say that they were story driven :)
I was a child when Baker was the Doctor and it all seemed fine at the time. I have a load of DVDs of older Dr Who to watch at some point. My brother gave them to me.
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I hate to admit it but after seeing that, I quietly sit here snickering to myself!
A very nice wan Freddy!
Farmer-RomanceNovel.jpg
:LOL: Very good!
While at a store today, a man told me that they were going to remove all math books!!
(from school I reasoned).
I said, "You're serious?"
He replied, "Yes, they're full of problems!" ::)
Not sure if I posted this here already, or if it was on Facebook.
306578980_4999863066786032_1049751951294586390_n.jpg
Uhh...I think I'll just skip this section of the book, thank you!!
;D
Oddly enough, one of our granddaughters in college devours books and movies like these!
She's studying Abnormal Psychology and criminal behavior so I guess it's a good fit!!
I think I'll stick with AI, Robots, and Sci-Fi!
What did one cloned sheep say to the other?
I am ewe.
:LOL:
Funny Game Glitches(Best of 2021)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DZ5fKwbSt8
:LOL: Hilarious!
Crazy good stuff!!
Major glitches in the Matrix perhaps... :LOL:
308117837_5299032086891294_4981419455381547081_n.jpg
309477864_10158841628888344_6435079999805412564_n.jpg
Something most of us have!
ODE TO A SPELL CHECKER by Jerrold H Zar.
Eye halve a spelling check her, It came with my pea sea.
It plane lee marks four my revue Miss steaks aye kin knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it, Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.
A check her is a bless sing;
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen,
Eye trussed too bee a joule;
he checker pours o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore wee rote with checkers
Hour spelling was inn deck line,
Butt now when wee dew have a laps,
Wee are knot maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
There are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier;
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped words fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet Of witch won should be proud;
And we mussed dew the best wee can
Sew flaws are knot aloud.
That's why eye brake in two averse
Cuz eye dew want too please.
Sow glad eye yam that aye did bye
This soft wear four pea seas.
Good Grief!!
I get it...Words spelled correctly but no understanding of intention or usage!
I just did a Copy and Paste into this message temporarily and Grammarly found 19 + mistakes and two correctable intentions (for Premium users of course).
That would still not correct the usage of the poem...just goes to show...
Good entry Data!!
That was a difficult read!
308373838_421275080111356_7889045671696460472_n.jpg
I was incredibly surprised when the Stationary store moved!
================
I accidentally took my cat's meds last night...
Don't ask meow.
-----------
I'm writing a book on Reverse Psychology...
Please Don't Buy It!!
====================================
I told my wife she needs to embrace her mistakes...
She gave me a hug!!
What do you call a Magician who's lost his magic?
ian. (think about it...)
==================================================
It's a five-minute walk from my house to the Bar.
But it's a 45-minute walk from the bar to my house.
The difference is staggering!
"How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand."
Some good ones there Art ;D
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309735902_620194139839850_7355477336597566261_n.jpg
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?"
"Yeah," the other cow says. "Makes me glad I'm a penguin."
__________________________________________
According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:
1. What was your income for the year?
2. What were your expenses?
3. How much have you left?
4. Send it in.
The truth is:
SIX OUT OF THE SEVEN DWARVES ARE NOT HAPPY!!
This is the best one I've seen/heard today...
http://www.youtube.com/shorts/l7a5L7RfRT8
That's really funny - he's one of my favourite scientists.
311221266_914589996612736_4119353687174275952_n.jpg
His arrival was foretold by the ancient murals...
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A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later there's a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: 'What the hell was that all about?'
-------------------------
Three guys stranded on a desert island find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says: 'I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here.'
:LOL:
Gets my vote!
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312917220_3421387108093712_7391657867386181810_n.jpg
Some really go ones there Freddy :LOL:
Quote from: Data on October 25, 2022, 21:28:19 PMSome really go ones there Freddy :LOL:
Glad you like them :)
311588201_10225187694374146_630156872002841371_n.jpg
happy-friday.jpg
Haha :LOL:
On Friday he looks like Jeff Lynne! ;D
917.jpg
For Halloween.
Q: When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.
Q: How many skeletons do you have in your closet?
A: None, but that's just because the body hasn't decomposed yet.
Q: How do you know a cemetery is popular?
A: People are just dying to get in.
;D
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funny-pics-of-before-and-after-pictures-glasses.jpg
:LOL: That's really funny.
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I'm not sure if that's funny or gross :LOL:
:LOL: Both I think!
Once every 520 years the majestic alignment can be witnessed by a lucky few.
31545217.jpg
759bb4497d0b13c3f9d86d9b42ba82e8.jpg
:LOL: Looks likes she's in a war-zone!
315741163_2709894842480238_2454032219086620009_n.jpg
:LOL:
:LOL:
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.
The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it.
reduced_Screenshot_20221222_185315_Facebook.jpg
:LOL:
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IMG-7a22802aecf6257ed540bb874a1ca508-V.jpg
Exercise?
I thought you said "extra fries".
Don't be afraid of a few extra pounds,
Fat people are harder to kidnap.
Smoke me a kipper
I'll be back for breakfast
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Some great ones there Freddy :LOL: :thumbsup:
6ab79010f88c82deedd4648de7269233.jpg
This caught me out :LOL:
:LOL:
Screenshot_20230523_201427_Chrome.jpg
:LOL:
:LOL:
366571166_682203750603868_153638841685360143_n.jpg
Some very amusing ones there Freddy :LOL:
OK I've got one.
csoufwm4p5n_1200x1200~2.jpg
Quote from: Data on October 17, 2023, 20:13:44 PMSome very amusing ones there Freddy :LOL:
OK I've got one.
csoufwm4p5n_1200x1200~2.jpg
:LOL:
:LOL: like that :thumbsup:
:LOL:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpUtUQ5YC-Q
His voice sounds like someone from a late 1950's sci-fi, probably where he got is inspiration from, quality performance ;D
Absolutely :D
Screenshot_20240209_153031_Google.jpg
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:LOL:
Like that :thumbsup:
48d2c79cf7cd6fb853fac32f3c14e37a.jpg
:LOL:
Screenshot_20240410_112450_Chrome.jpg
:LOL:
That's just too weird :LOL:
Screenshot_20240411_212725_Chrome.jpg
Did you hear about the new squirrel diet that's all the rage?
It's just nuts.
I got an email telling me how to read maps backwards.
It was spam.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
Light travels faster than sound, which is the reason that some people appear bright before you hear them speak.
I don't suffer from insanity—I enjoy every minute of it.